Can’t find the remote control in Dallas, use a football!
We've got about this much room I promise !
Who needs to change the channel on this bug sucker when you’ve got NFL punters who can do it for free? Jerry, we love you anyway.
Something I’ve Observed: A locust is a locust and not something else
A locust...look hard...take note...look again
Can I please resolve this confusion once and for all? It’s the late summer time, the summer means lemonade, baseball, pre-season football, and the incredibly loud, buzzing sound in our trees that occurs every night around dusk. Yes, the sound of locusts!…err WRONG!
Ladies and gents, you are hearing the mating call of the Cicada. It looks nothing like a locust, is not related to a locust, and never even had relations with the locust anytime in insect history. Calling the cicada a locust has been passed down from one misinformed generation to the next, from one overall clad grandpa to his kin’s kin.
Most city folk have never even seen a true locust because they typically travel in swarms by the billions and can wreak havoc on crops. If you’ve seen a grasshopper, you have seen a close relative of the locust. But a cicada isn’t a locust—–cicada—-locust—cicada—locust.
The cicada literally comes from a Latin word meaning “buzzer”. So remember, locusts look like grasshoppers and destroy crops, cicadas are those scary looking, though harmless buzzing guys you hear everynight in your yard.
God, I can finally sleep now that this has been clarified!
Thanks for all the props !!
Are you sure that’s a good website name?
Great website that everyone must visit for a good laugh. Slurls.com lists the worst domain names on the planet.
To meet the criteria for Slurl, the site is legitimate and the name has to to be recognizably slurred into some other meaning.
Some of these are flat out awesome but I feel sorry for the creators who had no clue what their website name would turn into.
Here are a few of my favorites:
1hourscrap.com-scrapbooking site
carsexpress.com – Vehicle leasing and sales
teacherstalk.co.uk – Teachers forum
therapistfinder.com – California counseling directory
blindsexpress.com – Blinds shopping
childrenslaughter.com – Charity website
choosespain.com -Holiday rental site
Can you think of some good ones on your own?
Just the simple act of posting a Speedo blog makes me shiver.
America, I've got talent!
The UK finally got it right!! A water park in the country has prohibited the speedo from being dawned by its male guests. Citing issues with embarrassment and protecting a family friendly image.
I am walking a very fine line of masculinity overload, and feeling like a peddler of hairy chested smut.
Those running for the puke bucket, I apologize.
For those getting some strange almost comforting, tingly feeling from this blog, you’re welcome. It was not intentional.
George Michael and motor vehicles, a marriage made in heaven
He wasn’t wasted so he declares, but it has happened again. George Michael discovers more trouble behind the wheel.
“I’m never gonna drive again, wasted no but I’ve got no feeling”
“So I’m never gonna drive again, the way I drove with youuuu, hooo, hooo”
Facebook status messages that are better left unsaid…
Here is another in my series of rants and satirical views of our favorite pastime, Facebook.
Anyone who knows me within my inner circle understand how status messages in Facebook crack me up, I often make cracks and laugh at them because hey, I can.
I am an avid user of Facebook and do leave an occasional status message so I know how the game is played, but I do try to keep a lid on what I feel is appropriate banter for the general public and what I should keep to myself.
Over time I have observed countless types of status messages and long to decipher where they come from, what the motive is for posting them, and what reactions the user is trying to harness from their friends.
My compiled list of common Facebook status genres:
1) The Mood Status: This is a very popular one which usually starts with a negative ode’ to Monday morning or the next morning after a heavy night of drinking. Can also indicate that someone is having a great day. Examples: “I feel blessed today”, “Monday’s can bite me”, or “I miss my Aunt Edna, wish she wasn’t tied to the top of the car”.
2) The Joke Status: This typically implies that there was no original thinking put into it and as a last ditch effort, a joke or riddle was used as a status filler. Examples: “Two guys walk into a bar, ouch that had to hurt”, “I was staring at the stars last night and wondered, where did my ceiling go?”, “Everyone should breast feed, it’s room temperature, cat’s cant get into it, and the containers are attractive”
3) The Boring Status: This is a status that’s like your providing a GPS coordinate of your every move and it’s not an exciting one at that. Examples: “Just left for work”, “Throwing clothes in the dryer”, “Eating dinner with my mom”. Again, we could live without the realtime update, maybe better left to Twitter.
4)The “TMI” Status: All too common but all the while very funny. Examples: “OMG, my dog just puked on my lap”, “Colonoscopy went well, but (butt) still a little sore from the cam”, “Can someone tell me what kind of green discharges are normal?”
5) The Chronological Status: If you miss too many of these you won’t follow along and will miss something vital. Examples: “Just took my math test, wow was it hard”, “Took math test two days ago and waiting for my score”, “Sweet, got my score back!”, “Holy Shit I flunked, mother*** ”
6) The Posted it Wrong Status: Very simple one. Examples: “John is”, “Beth is”, “Chuck is”
7) The Write on Wall Status: I know a lot of people who fell victim to this when the FB format changed earlier in the year. Examples: “Dude, that is awesome, lets get ripped!”, “Are you serious?, he’s a jerk, “OMG, LMFAO, LOL, your baby pics are adorable, call me! 
”
The Chain Letter Status: One of my all time most hated things on FB. Examples: “The top 25 list”, “Write 10 things you dont like about me”, “Sign the petition to make puppy mills legal and pass it to 25 of your friends and you will see a picture of God display on your FB page!”
9) The Come Back to Haunt you Status: This is all too common and makes me cringe when I read it, folks, keep it to yourself best you can. Examples: “OMG, are all managers ‘effing worthless”, “Nothing like being drunk 5 days in a row!”, “Who knew I would get put on the sexual offenders list for that party I hosted last night, hehe”
10) The AWOL Status: Not a status but rather the complete lack there of. One of your friends who you added over 6 months ago and they have gone dormant. Not sure if you need to message them to see how they are or just leave it be. Makes you wonder, did they get all hyped up for FB for the first week then realized it’s a black hole, crack like substance that requires that you little by little wean yourself off?
Maybe no status is the best kind…
Another thing to piss me off about golf, even though I love the game
The tournament this weekend in which Tiger won was interesting (for those who follow golf). From what I know about PGA tourneys, they will typically pair the two leaders towards the end of the pack for the last day of the tourney. For all you non golf fans, that means they will tee off last.
What also plays into this are the tight assed, traditional, “shook on in blood” rules that also accompany the game of golf.
The players are occasionally timed and done so to keep play evenly distributed throughout the field and there are hefty fines for “slow” play. You know this if you’ve casually golfed with friends, you’re chugging beers with your foursome, there is a group in front that apparently sucks (in your assessment), you cuss them out and finally a retired guy comes rolling up in his marshall’s cart and tells the group to speed up play. Annoying, but not life changing, but at the PGA level you can be fined for it, big time.
Woods won this tournament by beating Padraig Harrington, who most felt (including Woods) was rushed to make shots quicker then he normally would of because of a judge indicating that they were playing too slow.
I’m sorry, I know there are rules and sports need to have rules and in golf the player’s help create them which is good (and bad). But come on, I know Tiger is one of the top players and he may get some special treatment in other areas (well, he does). I actually agree with his displeasure on this one. Aside from the fact they were on top of the leader board, give them a ‘effing break. For once maybe a rule in golf can be bent just a bit, by the way here is the actual rule:
When players take more than the allotted time while on the clock—40 seconds, with an additional 20 seconds for the first player to hit each of the shots toward the green—they are given a warning. A second bad time leads to a $5,000 fine and a one-shot penalty
Woods is now getting a fine slapped on him because he broke another rule of the PGA. Players are not allowed to publicly berate or talk critically of an official, a judge, or other players in a manner that would do harm to that individual.
If Woods and Harrington were battling it out for the right to win the tournament, don’t introduce some stupid rule that could potentially hamper either of their chances to win!! I know a judge has to enforce a rule and are paid to do so, but lighten up. I am glad Tiger said something.
I don’t think this was a cocky Tiger Woods comment, he made it in the defense of Harrington, who lost. I do think the comments were warranted and I commend Tiger for shooting his mouth off and he should of. The rules are too strict.
Golf is one of those games where there shouldn’t be a clock and nobody should be held to the enforcement of time. Baseball games can run 6 hours, football/soccer/basketball have to be timed or the players would pass out from exhaustion. Ain’t happening in golf, even at the professional level, don’t enforce a timing rule which can and will make any golfer feel rushed and not perform at their best (and when money is involved, even more so)
Pat you on the back Mr. Woods.
Why does a Bob Dylan X-mas album not do it for me…
I know he is a folk and rock legend who has influenced legions of artists and movements over the last four decades, but I don’t want to hear him sing holiday music. Even more strange that it’s in the news now?
I can’t help it, Dylan has never done much for me from an audibly pleasing standpoint.
A revolutionary, an artist in every sense of the word, and a staple in the folklore of popular music as we know it today.
Having said all that and knowing that Dylan is considered God (more so than Clapton)…I don’t want to hear an album of Bob Dylan X-mas music, which I hear will be released sometime this year (maybe around Christmas? Hahahaha)
Ironically, Dylan was Jewish who then became a Born Again Christian…beside the point.
Nat King Cole- Yes!
Sinatra -Yes!
Johnny Mathis- Yes!
Judy Garland- I can live with it…
Burl Ives – The man exudes X-mas music! (he was the snowman in Rudolph of course)
Bob Dylan – 68 years old, folk legend, still rocking and on tour (awesome)…do we need to hear Jingle Bells?…probably not.
Glad the government planned Cash for Clunkers so well !
Little did the gub no that nearly 180,000 cars would be involved in the CARS program. They ran out of money after only one week of the program, people were getting cheated because the minimum MPG ratings changes mid-stream, and just what the hell happens to all those vehicles that are turned in?
Here are some tidbits of the program I question.:
There are several requirements (but you also have to meet certain conditions for the car or truck you wish to buy). Your dealer can help you determine whether you have an eligible trade in vehicle.
Your trade-in vehicle must
- Have been manufactured less than 25 years before the date you trade it in
- have a “new” combined city/highway fuel economy of 18 miles per gallon or less
- be in drivable condition
- be continuously insured and registered to the same owner for the full year preceding the trade-in
- The trade-in vehicle must have been manufactured not earlier than 25 years before the date of trade in and, in the case of a category 3 vehicle, must also have been manufactured not later than model year 2001
Note that work trucks (i.e., very large pickup trucks and cargo vans) have different requirements
There are several requirements (but you also have to meet certain conditions for the car or truck you wish to buy). Your dealer can help you determine whether you have an eligible trade in vehicle.
Isn’t a car more than 25 years old (if it even ran) be considered one hell of a clunker and omission spitting beast? So all those cars stay on the road.
Has to be in drivable condition? Of course it needs to be drivable so the dealer can either put the piece of crap back on the lot, or sell it at auction, which once again, will end up on some other lot and sold to someone else. I thought the whole gist of the plan was to encourage people to trade a car and purchase a more ECO friendly vehicle? Car dealerships now have hundreds of used cars on their lots that initially met the standard of horribleness to be traded in…..ummm..then will be sold? That goal sounds foiled to me.
So, we just removed these cars and put them back on the road again? I guarantee you the dealers won’t have all these thousands of trade in’s smashed into tiny little , shiny metal sauce pans. They make money by moving the car through the system and they get re-imbursed by Uncle Sam for that hefty allowance they just gave you!! This is isn’t a movement to eliminate these cars, we all know it’s more of a push to get dealers making money again. The auto industry still makes the same ECO disaster models so we are just making our roads temporarily more healthy?
The worst joke would be if people are working that $4500 credit into their loan! No No No…you need to ask for cash in your grubby hand! NEVER have a rebate or cash allowance worked into the loan to ease the payment or bring down the balance. If a program offers cash back, then get the cash back and if they don’t offer that option, walk out the door!
Happy car trading and don’t bank on CARS being your answer. As always, buy a car you can afford to pay off in 5 years ! Here that? 5 years ! Or do not buy the car because you can’t afford the lien.
Kisses !
The Russians may have discovered the vaccine for Swine Flu!
The Russians may be on to something. Drink plenty of Welsh whiskey and you will be protected from the Swine flu! The VOB, which is the soccer organization in Russia, is urging it’s fans to load up on plenty of the liquor when they head to Wales for next month’s World Cup qualifying games.
Alexander Shprygin, the head of the VOB, ”We urge our fans to drink a lot of Welsh whiskey as a form of disinfection, this should cure all symptoms of the disease.” He also added that Russian soccer fans have no fear and no virus is going to stop them from travelling to Great Britain to cheer on their team.
Well…raise a bottle and “Na zdorovje!”
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