Facebook status messages that are better left unsaid…
Here is another in my series of rants and satirical views of our favorite pastime, Facebook.
Anyone who knows me within my inner circle understand how status messages in Facebook crack me up, I often make cracks and laugh at them because hey, I can.
I am an avid user of Facebook and do leave an occasional status message so I know how the game is played, but I do try to keep a lid on what I feel is appropriate banter for the general public and what I should keep to myself.
Over time I have observed countless types of status messages and long to decipher where they come from, what the motive is for posting them, and what reactions the user is trying to harness from their friends.
My compiled list of common Facebook status genres:
1) The Mood Status: This is a very popular one which usually starts with a negative ode’ to Monday morning or the next morning after a heavy night of drinking. Can also indicate that someone is having a great day. Examples: “I feel blessed today”, “Monday’s can bite me”, or “I miss my Aunt Edna, wish she wasn’t tied to the top of the car”.
2) The Joke Status: This typically implies that there was no original thinking put into it and as a last ditch effort, a joke or riddle was used as a status filler. Examples: “Two guys walk into a bar, ouch that had to hurt”, “I was staring at the stars last night and wondered, where did my ceiling go?”, “Everyone should breast feed, it’s room temperature, cat’s cant get into it, and the containers are attractive”
3) The Boring Status: This is a status that’s like your providing a GPS coordinate of your every move and it’s not an exciting one at that. Examples: “Just left for work”, “Throwing clothes in the dryer”, “Eating dinner with my mom”. Again, we could live without the realtime update, maybe better left to Twitter.
4)The “TMI” Status: All too common but all the while very funny. Examples: “OMG, my dog just puked on my lap”, “Colonoscopy went well, but (butt) still a little sore from the cam”, “Can someone tell me what kind of green discharges are normal?”
5) The Chronological Status: If you miss too many of these you won’t follow along and will miss something vital. Examples: “Just took my math test, wow was it hard”, “Took math test two days ago and waiting for my score”, “Sweet, got my score back!”, “Holy Shit I flunked, mother*** ”
6) The Posted it Wrong Status: Very simple one. Examples: “John is”, “Beth is”, “Chuck is”
7) The Write on Wall Status: I know a lot of people who fell victim to this when the FB format changed earlier in the year. Examples: “Dude, that is awesome, lets get ripped!”, “Are you serious?, he’s a jerk, “OMG, LMFAO, LOL, your baby pics are adorable, call me! 
”
The Chain Letter Status: One of my all time most hated things on FB. Examples: “The top 25 list”, “Write 10 things you dont like about me”, “Sign the petition to make puppy mills legal and pass it to 25 of your friends and you will see a picture of God display on your FB page!”
9) The Come Back to Haunt you Status: This is all too common and makes me cringe when I read it, folks, keep it to yourself best you can. Examples: “OMG, are all managers ‘effing worthless”, “Nothing like being drunk 5 days in a row!”, “Who knew I would get put on the sexual offenders list for that party I hosted last night, hehe”
10) The AWOL Status: Not a status but rather the complete lack there of. One of your friends who you added over 6 months ago and they have gone dormant. Not sure if you need to message them to see how they are or just leave it be. Makes you wonder, did they get all hyped up for FB for the first week then realized it’s a black hole, crack like substance that requires that you little by little wean yourself off?
Maybe no status is the best kind…
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