No particular category or industry – just a small group of famous people of which I don’t understand how they got there.  Either they look average, have no talent, or are the prodigy of someone else.  Sorry that seems shallow of me but I am not famous so that gives me the inherit right to bag on them, right?  I’ve had just about enough of the prettiest people lists.  Oh and I particularly loathe Barbara Wawa’s list of the most fascinating people, is that so?  Fascinating because they have a job that pays them big bucks and they are on camera all the time?  Hey Barb, swing by my house sometime when the home warranty plumber is working on one of my toilet compression valves, now that is amazing to watch.  The young guys who fling my trash bags every Wednesday morning, again, amazing how they keep up in the 99 degree summer heat.  Now don’t get this confused with the RED list of the ugly celebs, which is funny as well.  Lists such as these could literally go on and on forever.  I tried to think of people who I find interesting yet do not always come across as people who are always that newsworthy.  I know not everyone will find my comments accurate or reflective of how they view these people, bare with me as this is purely satirical, observational, and simply the 100% God’s honest truth because I wrote it! 

Those who topped the list of not so glamourous for ‘08:

#10 John C Reilly

He is getting cast in virtually every other movie that comes out.  I like to refer to him as Chest Rockwell as much as I can since he was one of my favorite characters in Boogie Nights.  There is nothing stellar about this man.  He’s a good actor, can be funny but I think most of his humor comes from the roles he plays.  He is almost an A list movie actor by now, but he still reminds of the guy cutting deli meet at the grocery store.   My wife and I walked by him in Manhattan about 3 years ago and yeah – he looks the same.

#9 Miley Cyrus

Yep, I can see it now – all the 12 year old girls are going to chase me down with an ax.  I’m about to commit the grand daddy of all mistakes and admit, I don’t get this chick.  What is fascinating about superb marketing of the teenage daughter of the achey breaky hair mistakey?

#8 Ryan Seacrest

It’s not that I think he’s a dud, on the contrary, the guy is pretty busy in Hollywood.  He has a national radio show, does the Idol thing, and produces some shows here and there.  Everytime I see him I imagine a group of fourth graders standing behind him with the rabbit ears.  Seems like he’s one of these recognizable names in the business that doesn’t have much street cred yet.  Silly me.  Again, I still like the guy. 

#7 Clay Aiken

First of all – I don’t give a rat’s posterior if he’s gay or not.  He finally came out!!  I have three in-laws that are gay…wow.   He’s basically an education major with a good voice and struck it rich by not winning American Idol.  Oh and he’s gay too.

#6 Gayle King

Now I won’t be too hard on Oprah’s pal.  I don’t really think she’s a hollywood figure but she’s always popping up on TV somewhere.  She’s not in movies (as far as I know), she doesn’t have a recording contract (as far as I know), she has no show (though her buddy sure does) however she is a managing editor of O magazine. (Hmmmm)  That wasn’t too hard was it?  I wonder if she pays most of the time when the two of them eat out.  I bet Oprah is typically short on cash- seriously.

#5 Kanye West

I do like some of the guy’s tunes, but besides that he’s sorta off the radar for me.  I’ll shoot straight and admit I am not a huge fan of R&B and hip hop but something about him almost seems…well…mean.  I get bad vibes from him and it’s not all because of the “Bush hates black people” thing.  If he does good things – they don’t seem to spotlight it.  Sean “Puffy” Combs appeals to me more then this guy.  Unfascinating.

#4 Dog the Bounty Hunter

AKA Duane Chapman- I struggle with this one.  There is no questioning this guy’s appeal to the TV audience.  He’s a pretty buff guy, has a state of the art mullet, and his wardrobe is a mix between native american, travelling carnival tea cup operator, and the toy section at Big Lots rolled into one.  He chases down bail skippers with 5 gallon cans of mace, throws them down, and then rides in the backseat with them reciting the lord’s prayer.  He uses a white board to map out his acqusition plans, details his capture strategy wih ugly looking flow charts, all the while not being allowed to carry a firearm because of 18 prior convictions for armed robbery.  He fascinates in a pool hall kind of way.

#3 Joe Paterno

This guy has been coaching at Penn State since the late 1800’s. (43 years to be exact)  He makes around $500,000 a year which is pretty bad considering he is the only coach in history to have won each of the major college bowl games.  He has also won more bowl games then any coach in history (23).  He does make money from promotional events and team endorsements but the base salary is pathetic.  Problem with Joe is that he’s too normal.  He is overly committed to PSU which is honorable and boring in the same light.  He’s passed up NFL coaching opportunities on several occasions, which is just plain unheard of in this day of head coach musical chairs.  He’s not flamboyant or all that outspoken, but he’s a coaching legacy.

#2 John Daly

How in the world he is still alive is beyond me.  Smokes, drinks, eats a lot, and on occasion finds time to play sub par golf here of late.  (Wait, I just described myself and each of my friends)  So many articles have been written about Daly and his “I don’t give a crap attitude” that he becomes more and more of a golf icon without actually winning much golf.  I feel like his light is going to burn out here soon, but he is still my underdog favorite and would I love to meet the guy for a PBR. 

#1 Paris Hilton

I have nothing further.